If you had peeked through the window of the tiny San Fernando Valley house on that rainy Saturday afternoon in the late 1950s, you would have seen my mom, my sisters, aged 10, 8, and 3, and 5 year old me. No doubt you would have noticed how sad I was and you couldn’t have missed my mom’s frazzled expression. And had you, being a good friend of the family, asked for our stories, I’m pretty sure my mom would have sat with you in the kitchen and told you what was undoubtedly true. It would have gone something like this:

“The officer’s shifts changed again at Gene’s police station. He worked 3 graveyard shifts with overtime this week and came home exhausted this morning. He went to bed and they’ve been playing inside all day.  Whether it was playing with their dolls, playing games or even just their chatter, I couldn’t keep the noise down. It’s Susan! She doesn’t know how to be quiet! Even though I warned her over and over again and told her that her daddy needed to sleep, she couldn’t stay quiet for 10 minutes before she was loudly singing or talking or playing, or even arguing with her sisters. Gene just couldn’t sleep with all the racket going on, so the last time he came out to tell us to be quiet I told Susan she’d been warned. I know this is awful, but I put tape over her mouth! I told her maybe that would help her remember to let her daddy sleep! It actually worked. She was in her room over an hour and when she came out, I removed the tape. She’s been sitting quietly over there ever since. I know I hurt her feelings, and I feel bad, but I really didn’t know what else to do!” 

Of course the perspective of any situation is much different when a 5-year old plays a major role. Had you then slipped into the living room to quietly listen to my account, the most honest picture I could have painted for you would simply have been:

“I got into trouble because I kept forgetting to be quiet so my daddy could sleep. When he got mad at us, mommy put tape over my mouth to help me remember. I was too ashamed to be around anyone with that tape on my mouth, so I went into my room and slid my closet door open so I could stick my head inside and clean out my closet. That way nobody could see the tape on my mouth.”

Of course, by the time you had arrived, the drama would have been over, but it would take a few hours for my spirits to completely lift. And thankfully, this then-5 yr old-girl was once again her rambunctious self getting ready for church the next morning! 😊

For me, that story is an example of what shame does. The enemy of our souls is always on standby, ready to use any situation to make us feel like dashing to put our head in the nearest closet so as not to be seen, not to be pointed out, not to be scrutinized. 

Shame comes in all shapes and sizes and for a million different reasons, but its end game is always to make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Shame doesn’t just hit and run. That would be a courtesy! Rather, it lingers—teasing, accusing, making you feel less-than. Shame uses whatever has happened to point a finger, not so much at your choice in the matter, but instead directly at you. Shame’s mission is to make you believe that somehow you have just proven to God and the world that while others have buckets full of “what it takes”, your bucket will never quite have enough of that stuff. Shame is mean. Whether it’s a 5 year old in trouble for her overly enthusiastic vocal chords, or one who has had unspeakable acts done to her. Whether it’s a now grown woman in a drug rehab or one who’s still selling herself on the streets, unable to kick her habit. Whether it’s someone whose soul has been trampled by family members for years, or one whose decisions have ended in ruin, shame’s M.O. doesn’t change. It whispers night at day: “You don’t belong with people who are getting it right.” 

It’s true, shame IS mean. But the real truth is, shame is a liar! You not only have what it takes, you are what it takes! Why? Because you, yes you, were made by God, for God, in the very image of God! And He has loved you with an everlasting love! Scripture says, “The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you.” Jeremiah 31:3

Everlasting means absolutely never-ending! God’s love for you is indestructible and non-retractable. His God-sized heart is filled with purpose-filled affection for you. And if the Creator of all things has put that much time and effort into loving you, then shame truly doesn’t have a leg to stand on! I came across an amazing translation of Jeremiah 31:3 today, and I will leave you with it. 

“From a distance LORD JEHOVAH appeared to me and he said to me: ‘The love of eternity has loved you; because of this, I have dragged you to grace.’” Aramaic Bible in Plain English (Don’t you just love that?)

Oh Father God, sometimes we need to be reminded of the truth that we will forever be treasured by You. When the devil shames us until our souls are bruised and bloodied, just like the man Jesus described in the story of the Good Samaritan, let us know Your tender care. Remind us that from eternity past You have loved us, and then drag us once again to Your grace. You are such a good, good Father!