James 4:1 – Where do the conflicts and where do the quarrels among you come from? Is it not from this, from your passions that battle inside you?

Go sit on the couch!—Those were her only words, but we knew we were in trouble! We’d stepped into forbidden territory: loud, prolonged arguments. Our parents wanted peace in our home, so quarrels were to be resolved, not prolonged. We just needed to “get along”. Period. So when she would call, “Go sit on the couch”,  we quickly obeyed. Once there, mom was done with her part in us coming to some sort of resolution. She simply went about whatever she had been doing when our eruption had disrupted the peace in our home. 

Usually it took what seemed like a very long time (in reality, probably 5 minutes) before we couldn’t take the punishment any more and would call to her, “Can we get up now?” When we did, her reply was always the same. “Are you ready to get along?” She understood that getting along was in our control and that it would take a give and take, setting aside our own agendas for a common agenda: Staying off the couch! Once released, we went our separate ways, though it never took very long before we were once again playing together. Honestly, I don’t remember my sisters and I ever returning to those quarrels. Given the mandatory down time to put things into perspective, we always concluded that whatever the fight had been about wasn’t worth couch-confinement. And once the opportunity to play was returned to us, we were happy just to play! So happy, in fact, that we didn’t waste any thought or effort being distracted by whatever had been said or done by our sister. 

I wonder if God ever watches us quarreling, accusing, judging one another, etc., and just wants to tell His church to go sit on the couch! I believe that if we took the time to find a quiet place to be alone with Him, truly allowing God’s Spirit to show us how He sees our hearts and how His own heart breaks over His dysfunctional family, that things would change. When God gives me glimpses of His heart, my own heart is changed. I want to please God rather than add to His sorrow over us. Jesus’ last prayer before His arrest (see John 17)  was for His disciples—all of us. He prayed that we would be one as He and His Father were one. Here we are 2 millenniums later and His prayer has not been fully answered. 

Oh Father, when we get angry with another of Your sons or daughters, becoming frustrated with each other, or judging rather than praying for each other, let us hear Your whisper: “Go sit on the couch!” And when we hear You, give us grace to obey rather than ignore You. Then, as we sit quietly in Your presence, show us our own hearts. Show us how our attitudes are affecting Your church—Your bride. Even as we pour out our feelings or concerns to You, fill us with Your love for those we’re upset with, and show us how You want us to pray for them. Because even if they are not behaving like a mature son or daughter, they are still Your precious, much-loved child, just like we are! Make us one, Lord. Make us one!